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How did I get here? by Brooke Miller |
Wow. My head is spinning. I am looking back over the last couple weeks, and they are a blur. I just won my 5th consecutive race to start the 2007 season. And in a couple weeks, I will be leaving to go to Europe to race with the National Team for a month. ME. This is happening to me? Like I said, my head is spinning. When I think about it and realize that it IS real, I realize very quickly that this did not happen in a vacuum. This is not about me. This is about all the people who have gotten me to this point and who have encouraged or helped me to start realizing my potential. It takes a village to raise a child... and more than just that to make a cyclist. I am convinced. If it were not for the support of many, many people and companies, I would not be here at all. I can say that with 100% certainty. For me, my story began with me as a volleyball player. I had Olympic dreams from the age of 12 when I first started playing that silly game with a leather ball, and I worked tirelessly to make it happen. I have always been a focused athlete, and as a kid, when practice was over, I spent hours jumping to improve my vertical leap or hitting a ball over and over and over against the garage door. My dedication got me a scholarship to play at Berkeley, but it was the wrong sport for me mentally and I never reached my potential. I spent four years surfing pines and cheering my teammates on. I learned that I got more joy out of watching my teammates' success than my own. With me, my hit had to be perfect for me to feel good about it. But for my teammates, when they got a kill, I could just be happy- it didn't matter if the ball came off their hand funny and didn't make the right "pop" sound. I loved the team nature of that sport, but it was not right for me and my career ended with my graduation. After graduating, I stopped competitive sports. And stopped working out. I don't enjoying running (read: my body does not LET me enjoy running!), and the gym was not the place for someone who loves to be outside. I hiked, went for walks, but gained weight and got out of shape. I then discovered the bike early in my graduate school career. A friend of mine and fellow grad student, Brian Ort, knew that I had recently bought a road bike and encouraged me to join the UC Santa Cruz cycling team. He told me it would be a good way to meet other people to ride with. I went to a meeting and Ben Jacques-Maynes (now of Priority Healthy Pro Cycling) basically took one look at me and said, "Your racing". OK. I guess I am racing. From there, it has been a crazy adventure. My first season, I finished every single race either 2nd or 3rd to last. I measured how well I did by how long I hung on before they dropped me- usually when the first attacks went off. I was not discouraged though, since I knew that I should suck. It was my first year. These women knew what they were doing. My attitude was, "Uh, yeah, you dropped me. But it took you 5 miles to do it!" Every mile that I hung on, every minute I stayed past the searing pain in my legs and my lungs... they were all victories. I swept the course at the back, but I never lost. I just always got beat. I hate to lose, but getting beat? I know that makes you stronger. My next year, things changed and I won my first races. But I did not train and just rode my bike for fun. If I was busy with school work, tired or didn't feel like it, I would not ride. I just loved riding my bike and racing for fun. But, as I rode more and more and learned, I got better at racing. I didn't want to train because I thought I was too old to start a new sport (I was 28 at the time) and I knew that if I were to train... I would be TOO focused and my thesis work would suffer. I just wanted to have fun. I did. It was in 2005, my third year racing, that things changed. Again, I was just riding for fun, but starting to win races and really be challenged. Amber Rais (now of Webcor) was racing for Stanford, and the two of us would go head to head every race. For the most part that year, either she or I won every race, but it was an all out throw-down between the two of us. 4 times they had to go to the cameras to know who won. She really pushed me to improve and I followed her results as she went off to race at Nature Valley (and took 17th on one stage, something that I could not ever imagine being able to do!). She had started working with Linda Jackson as her coach and quickly started crushing me. As I watched in awe as she improved, the thought of ME being able to improve like that really did not seem tangible. It just didn't seem possible. When the two of us went to Collegiate Nationals, I expected Amber to sweep the races. I knew how strong she was. And, as expected, she won the crit. I finished 9th and was really happy with how well I did that race- despite having a horrible race, I was happy with that finish. Amber inspired me though. I had watched her contesting primes, being aggressive and racing hard. I had approached that race passively and was sitting in and hanging on. The next day, we had a road race and I was inspired to "race it like I am going to win it". I didn't think for a minute that I could win a road race like that, but I wanted to race as if I could. I fought to stay near the front of the peloton and made sure that I was in any move that looked dangerous. I did not want to race to hang on, I wanted to race to win. Going into the final sprint, I jumped early for some reason that today still befuddles me, and I won. I could not believe it then and can hardly believe it now. I like to say that I "accidentally" won since I still am not sure how it happened. After that, my cycling career changed. I was invited to attend the USA Cycling Women's Talent ID camp at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs by Steve McCauley. The camp was run by Mike Engelman and Chris Davidson and the goal was to take riders, such as myself who had talent, and get them to take their cycling to the next level. The camp changed everything for me. At the time, I still was not training, but just riding my bike. I had no intention at that point of taking cycling any more seriously than I had been. I did not feel like I had deserved my win, so it still seemed pointless for a 29 year old to focus on a new sport. But Mike and Chris were great. They told us about women like the legendary Tina Pic who did not start racing until she was 29. And a whole host of world class athletes that were in their 30's or even older! I did not realize that endurance women athletes get so much better as they age. I realized that I was still young in this sport. Then, Alison Dunlap came to talk to us and her story resonated with me. It was so similar to the path that I had been traveling, and now, she was a World Champion. It got me thinking that I had more potential than I had realized and I wanted to know what I could do if I gave it a shot. After leaving the camp, I decided that I too would take cycling seriously. But, heading into the 2006 season, I had trouble finding a team that would take me. No one knew who I was and they did not put a lot of weight into a Collegiate National Championship. It was then that I met Linda Jackson and she took me on. I am forever indebted to her for giving me a chance on her team and changing my cycling career. Linda herself did not start racing until she was 33, and she became one of the best in the world. She, more than anyone, convinced me that I was a young gun and still had so much room to grow and improve. I committed to taking my cycling seriously and began training. The 2006 season was unreal. From Linda, I have learned so much about how the races work and have focused on being a smart rider. I have realized that you cannot always control if you are the strongest or the most fit in a race, but you can control if you are the smartest. As much as I want to be the strongest, I take more pride on racing smart. I want to be the smartest, craftiest racer out there. Linda is teaching me that. In 2006, I had my first NRC wins - 3 of them - and I know they came not from me being the strongest, but from me being the smartest and from me wanting it just that much more. Now that we are entering the 2007 season, things could not be better for our team. I am so proud to be a part of it and it makes me so happy to see my team develop. There is a reason why I have had all my wins - they have put me on the podium. It is my job to win the bunch sprint. It is their job to bring the race down to a sprint and get me in position. They do their job and I do mine. That is what I love: it is a team sport. So, the moral of this story is that although it is a hard sport to get into, and it can be intimidating, there is a community that will help you get there. Cyclists are very supportive once you get past the initial barriers. If it were not for the help of all those I mentioned here and a whole host of others who I have not specifically mentioned, I would not be here today. I was drawn to this sport through the simple love of riding my bike. I am still drawn to the sport by that fundamental love of what I am doing. Not every day on the bike is a great one. But "Bike Love" is what I ride for and "Bike Love" is why I race. I know that there are a whole host of other women out there waiting to break though and turn some heads. Be that rider! Nip ME on the line! It will only make all of us stronger! For now, my head will continue to spin as I realize that this little 12 year old volleyball player inside of me can still dream the Olympic dream. Brooke originally penned this for the USA Women's Cycling Development Program. © Brooke Miller, 2007. |